The Players
Country Club Stick – A very good player. Often older in age. Found at elite clubs everywhere in the world.
Scratch – a person playing off of a "0" handicap.
Sandbagger – Someone who manipulates their handicap to gain an advantage in NET events. Easily identifiable by their white sunglasses, untucked shirts, goatee, and 2011 Mazda Miata.
Bandit – Wealthier cousin of the sandbagger. These creatures reside primarily in southern Florida and win every Net event at their mid-tier country club. Easily identifiable by their white BMW and their squirrel-sized lap dogs.
Hack – A very bad player. Found everywhere.
Logo Chaser – strange creatures found on the internet that post and flex their Monday-outing merch hauls at the top 100 they paid to play. Also known as "Tourists"
Ams – Amateurs, they don't compete for money, and never have.
Vanity Index – the opposite of a sandbagger. This person only posts their good scores. Strange breed.
The Formats
Net – Your score minus your handicap. If you are a 10 handicap and shoot an 85, it would be a net 75. "Net Events" are tournaments played with handicaps.
Gross – Your actual score. "Gross events" are tournaments played without handicaps.
Shotgun – A format where every group starts on a different hole simultaneously. Prepare for a 6 hour round.
Scramble – A format in which every player tees off, and from there the group selects the best shot and plays from that location until the hole is completed. Best for old women. Avoid if a serious good player.
Better Ball – each player plays their own ball and the lowest score of the group is counted. If you suck, just play with guys better than you to ensure a victory. (Or manipulate your handicap)
Alternate Shot – a fun and engaging format in which one player tees off, and his/her partner plays the ball where it lies. I've seen this format ruin friendships and weddings. Tread lightly.
Match Play – A format where you "win" holes. Your final score does not matter as much as winning individual holes does. If you make a 4 on the first hole and your competitor makes a 5, you have won the hole and are 1 up in the match.
Dormie – the lead in a match equals the number of holes remaining—so you cannot lose but could still tie. If you're 2 up with 2 to play, that's dormie. 1 up with 1 to play is also dormie.
The Places
Private Club – A golf or country club which requires an initiation fee and membership application to join.
Muni – Occasionally used as a slur, it denotes a municpality-owned golf facility or course.
T100 – A golf course which has earned the distinction as one of the top 100 courses in the US.
Mid-Tier – A private club which is not among the upper echelon of clubs in its area. You will find loud music, cargo shorts, and seven-minute interval tee times at these clubs.
The Gear
H&B – Holderness and Bourne. The creme of the crop of all golf and menswear attire.
PM – Peter Millar. It's what's in your Dad's closet, but it won't be what's in yours.
FJ – Footjoy. The best shoe in golf, bar none.
The Vernacular
Etiquette – the rules, written and unwritten, that govern the game of golf. A dying phenomenon, it is not seen at public courses much these days.
The Tips – The back tees. You probably aren't good enough to play them.
A loop – a full 18 holes of golf.
Gimmie – a putt that should be conceded (but sometimes isn't).